I have also started reading a really comforting book that also reminds me to rest and relax, and find my comfort in the arms of Jesus. It has been great to be reminded that I can go confidently to ask God for everything that I need. I have always felt that somehow I had let God down by needing him again – that it was shameful to need him. That I should be so confident in his power that I should not need to ask anything of Him, and that if I ask him for things it means that my faith is small.

Now I know this is a lie from Satan to make my relationship with God a weak link. God wants to be the number one place that I go to when I need a friend. Thankyou Jesus, for beautiful music, and beautiful friends.

1. Going out for chai with Isaac. This may be when we are  already out shopping, like at the supermarket, or a specific trip in the morning or afternoon.

2. Going to Bubbles cafe, and ordering sweet treats. Also the play area at Tea Tree Plaza.

3. Trips to the library, and eating at Scribes cafe.

4. When Isaac is having his afternoon nap, watching TV or reading I often snack.

5. Snacking after tea when Isaac is in bed, watching TV, on the internet or reading.

6. Having a cup of tea or chai latte, and sitting down to drink it.

7. Drive-thru on the weekends, or when I visit my psychologist, or any day when I am out on my own without Isaac, and it feels like a special ‘treat’ time.

8. Chocolate bars at the checkout.

9. Whenever I don’t bring water when I am out and I get thirsty, I always inevitably buy a sugary cold drink instead of water.

10. Visiting Jeremy’s parents usually involves a biscuit or two, cakes and slices, and desserts, as well as sweet drinks.

11. Birthday parties or any special occasion, where sweet drinks and foods are served and it feels like a special ‘treat’.

12. Going out for drinks or chai with a friend, I will always order a muffin or a cake because it is a ‘treat’.

13. Any store that has a cafe inside, like Koorong. I feel that this warrents a ‘treat’.

Note to self: I am absolutely astounded at how often and how much sugar I allow myself to eat – especially the number of times that are deemed treat times! I really need to cut down my sugar intake.

I bought his follow up book The Sweet Poison Quit Plan and I can’t help but feel this is the reason that I can’t lose weight. In fact, it is not even that I can’t lose weight – it’s that I can’t stop shoving sweet snacks in my mouth. I feel driven. When I’m bored, when I’m stressed, I reach for sugar. Doesn’t that remind you of a smoker, or coffee drinker (no offence intended if you are)?

I am excited to read this book, and something tells me that it may provide some of the answers in relation to weight gain, and even my moods and hormones. I am especially interested in finding out how sugar affects my brain.

It will also be useful when dealing with my toddler, although according to the book he is already addicted to sugar, simply from eating the occasional biscuit.

Apart from the obvious exercise, you can take supplements. One supplement that is recommended for mental health is magnesium.

The Australian recommended intake for magnesium for women to age 30 is 255mg (265mg for women over 30) per day, whereas the RDI is 310mg (320mg). 350mg is listed as the upper level of intake for toxicity, although the suggestion made by the report is that this is based on the onset of diarrhea.

Based on this information, a person could take 310mg to meet their daily requirements, but up to 350mg until they felt ill.

The Food Mood Solution recommends 400mg of magnesium citrate daily. It also states that you could take up to 800mg if the dosage was split to twice daily. Personally I would stick with the 400mg, as this is also higher than the Upper Level recommended by the National Health & Medical Research Council.

Taking magnesium as a supplement:

“The magnesium molecule in a supplement is…bound to a carrier molecule to form either an organic magnesium compound (amino acid chelate, orotate or citrate) or an inorganic one (oxide, carbonate, sulfate). Organic forms are better absorbed by the body.” This explains why The Food Mood Solution recommends the use of magnesium citrate. The naturopath at my local health food store also recommended the use of magnesium chelate to me as it is gentler on the stomach and more easily absorbed. This makes sense when the chelate is organic, but the oxide is not.

Based on this research, I would recommend taking 255 to 350mg of magnesium chelate, orotate or citrate daily, and if possible, in several doses (eg 100mg per dose) so that tummy upsets are prevented.

Rightly, I put them on my clothes, one to remind me of him, another for Isaac. Within 10 minutes I was clipping everything I could think of, and they made me smile. Ever since, I have continuously worn one on my clothing, and it reminds me so well of their love.

Then I woke up, and cried and cried. My husband held me while I told him the details of my Mum’s affair, and how I became involved, at the of 11/12 years. It was our next door neighbour. Every day I sat at our table eating breakfast, staring out at the ladder going over our fence – a constant reminder of the truth that only I knew about. I hadn’t ever talked about the details with anyone, even though it has been 17 years.

It felt like a coffin had been exhumed. My Mum told me I was to never mention it to anyone – but I have held her secret for these 17 years, and I am not going to hold it any longer. And it is not her secret, it is my secret. It happened to me, and was the most devastating event in my childhood. To have the affair discussed with me. To ask my opinion as to whether my Mum should leave my Dad. To see my Mum and her boyfriend cuddling and kissing. To be dealt with inappropriately by her boyfriend.

NO MORE. This is my pain. It is my secret. And the elephant in the room has now been identified and released!

Yes I am still angry. My Mum was a hypocrite with all her comments, such as “You were a difficult teenager.” Well, I wonder why? With emotional abuse like that, and then being told to never speak of it, or given counseling, and moved to another city and state where I knew no-one – I wonder why I was difficult!

But I’ve released the elephant, and hopefully the healing has begun. I have found great comfort in the Psalms, as they speak of comforting the soul, and healing shame.